China's Household Chores Crisis: Men Speak Out Against 'Invisible' Domestic Work
A recent social media trend in China has shed light on a growing concern among husbands: the overwhelming burden of household chores. The hashtag #老公被隐形家务整崩溃想离家出走# (Husbands being driven to the brink of collapse by invisible household chores) has sparked a heated debate about the distribution of domestic responsibilities in modern Chinese families.
5 October 2024
At the center of the controversy is a video posted by [先锋新闻] (Pioneer News) featuring a 38-year-old husband, Pan, who complains about his 23-year-old wife's lack of help with household chores. Pan claims that he is shouldering the bulk of the domestic workload, from cooking and cleaning to taking out the trash, while his wife is content to leave the mess for him to clean up.
However, this is not an isolated case. Many men in China are speaking out about the unfair distribution of household responsibilities, which they claim is taking a toll on their mental and physical health. The phenomenon has been dubbed "隐形家务" (invisible household chores), where men are expected to perform domestic duties without recognition or appreciation.
An 82-year-old man, Mr. Pan, expressed similar frustrations in a candid interview. He lamented his 96-year-old wife's lack of concern for household chores, saying, "She's always causing a mess and leaving it for me to clean up." Despite their 15-year age difference, the couple has learned to appreciate their unique dynamic. Mr. Pan takes care of most household chores, while his wife is content with her role as the "Heckler-in-Chief", voicing her opinions and doling out occasional words of encouragement.
However, not all men are as fortunate. Some commenters noted that when men are left to handle household chores, it's more likely to gain sympathy and attention. In contrast, women are often expected to shoulder these responsibilities without much fanfare. The notion of women being forced to do household chores is an outdated stereotype. With changes in societal attitudes, more men are taking on domestic responsibilities, and women are increasingly earning higher incomes and taking control of household finances.
According to a study by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, men in China are increasingly taking on more domestic responsibilities, but women still perform the majority of household chores. The study found that men spend an average of 1.5 hours per day on household chores, while women spend an average of 3.5 hours per day.
However, some experts argue that the problem is not just about the amount of time spent on household chores, but also about the cultural expectations surrounding domestic work. In traditional Chinese culture, domestic work is often seen as women's work, and men are socialized to prioritize their careers over domestic responsibilities.
A larger conversation has emerged on social media, with some men and women lamenting the entrenched patriarchy, while others proclaim that we've come a long way since the days of Helpless Martha Stewart-esque housewives. What's undeniable is the growing need for better communication and cooperation between couples to prevent the pressure of household chores from boiling over into all-out domestic meltdowns.
In fact, our investigation into the post-marriage status of women in the Sichuan-Chongqing region reveals that the reality on the ground is more complex. Many women in the region have reported enjoying a relatively high status within their families, with some even exerting significant control over household finances and decision-making.
One divorced man from Sichuan shared his experiences, saying, "Women nowadays are increasingly difficult to please. They expect to be treated like a 'small empress' at home, with all their needs catered to. They want control over the household finances, and they expect their husbands to provide for them without question."
Our investigation also showed that household chores are often divided among family members, with some couples opting to hire domestic help or outsource certain tasks. These findings challenge the dominant narrative that women are universally oppressed and overworked in the home. While there are certainly cases where women are shouldering an unfair burden, our research suggests that the reality is more nuanced, with many women in the Sichuan-Chongqing region enjoying a relatively high level of autonomy and agency within their families.
The changing status of women in rural areas has also led to a shift in the marriage market. With the increasing economic and social independence of women, they have become more selective in their choice of partners. Rural men, on the other hand, face increasing pressure to meet the expectations of their wives and in-laws, often at great personal cost.
The notion that women in rural areas are still relegated to a lowly position in the family, shouldering the bulk of household chores and childcare responsibilities, is a myth that no longer holds true. In the past, the traditional division of labor, where men worked outside the home and women managed the household, was indeed prevalent. However, with the younger generation, particularly those born in the 1990s and 2000s, the dynamics have shifted significantly.
Women from these age groups have grown up with higher education and exposure to egalitarian ideals. As a result, their social, economic, and family status has improved dramatically. In fact, many young women in rural areas now hold a higher position in the family and society, exercising greater control over household finances and decision-making.
The phenomenon of "裙带经济" (skirt-power economy), where women dominate household spending and decision-making, is particularly evident in rural areas. The "农村少奶奶" (rural young mistress) trope, often used to describe the influential and pampered wives of rural men, is a testament to this shift.
As one rural man, who wished to remain anonymous, shared: "It's like finding a small empress to bring home, not a partner to share life with. We have to cater to their every need, and even then, we risk being scolded and belittled. The pressure is immense, and it's taking a toll on our mental and physical health."
The changing dynamics in rural households highlight the need for a more nuanced understanding of the roles and responsibilities within families. As social and economic structures continue to evolve, it is essential to recognize the shifting status of women in rural areas and the implications for family relationships and social cohesion.
As the debate continues, one thing is clear: the issue of household chores is no longer just a private matter, but a public concern that requires a collective solution. By sharing their experiences and challenging traditional norms, men and women in China are working towards a more equal and inclusive society where domestic responsibilities are shared and valued.